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“Once you reach complete trust, it’s over,” My friends Claire, Sabina, and Martin explained to me over a few pints of Guiness in the faint light of a pub in Brighton.
I disagree. I think it has to work because there’s a fundamental difference between loving someone and being “in love.” Or maybe I just want to believe that’s the case.
“No,” Claire assures me, “it gets boring. If you have a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, who you can trust completely, then there’s no excitement.”
Maybe that’s one of my problems. I always look for that trust in any relationship—for me it’s a level of comfort, an anchor that gives stability to a good relationship. If you can let your girlfriend go to a party without you, and really know that it’ll be OK, then you’re in a good, trusting relationship.
Of course, Martin says you can never completely trust anyone. But I’d like to think you can. I’d like to think someone could completely trust me in a relationship.
Most of all, I’d like to believe that trust works. I’d like to believe that not all marriages walk a fine line between trust and suspicion. Living a life in a relationship where I should constantly be second-guessing my wife’s behavior is not a life I’d like to live. Somehwere, my mind (or is it my heart) tells me, there’s someone in a marriage of complete trust.
You need to find that person who, once you’re done being “in love” with, you can love.
I’d like to believe it can happen. I’d like to believe that not all women think it ends with trust, because otherwise I’ll be spending every relationship looking for the very thing that will tear it apart. And that is a sad thought.
{ 1 comment }
Kyle 10.21.05 at 10:41 am
Well, I don’t think Claire gets it. At some point you kind of stop giving a shit about excitement, and start looking for fulfillment. The implication of looking for everlasting excitement in a relationship is that you also need to be ‘entertained’ all the time.
I have what most people would call a boring relationship. Every morning, Elyse and I both sleep 10 minutes past our respective alarms, kiss goodbye, go to our respective boring ass jobs, come home, cook and eat dinner together, watch TV shows or movies, and then go to bed. On the weekends, we clean the house, go shopping, go to the pet store and look at the new animals, and go to the exact same bar. She’ll usually read or knit, and I’ll usually make music or work out. Occasionally, we’ll talk about going somewhere and making friends, but we never really get around to it. This has basically been the gist of just about every week for the last 10 months.
It’s *awesome*.
I also have someone who’ll make me an omlete when I’m in a shitty mood, someone to send, on average, 20 emails a day to at work, someone to listen to my mixes, someone to watch my shows with, someone to get good at cooking for, someone to play basketball with… I’ve got a partner, and it’s better than any ‘exciting’ girlfriend I’ve ever had (you never know when she’ll move away or fuck your friends!). Our relationship itself is pretty tame, but damn is it fulfilling.
So keep your head up. Chicks looking for ‘excitement’ really just need to be constantly entertained and have some settling down to do.
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